Flexible Identities

One interesting thing I’ve noticed during our stays at the hotels has been the reaction of the staff members to us. I’ve found them looking a little puzzled because we’ve been speaking in fluent English between ourselves, yet have looked (especially after long drives between cities) dusty and dishevelled (not your typical hotel guest). In all cases when we’ve spoken in Hindi/Punjabi to them, they’ve asked where we are from. When we tell them that we are from the UK, they say yes, but where are you really from - the Punjab? When we tell them the story (briefly) of how our parents went to the UK in the 1950s and how we were born there, they are quite surprised at our ability to speak the local languages and our interaction and behaviour with them. They are delighted that we’ve taken the time and effort to visit different parts of India and introduce the children to the culture and history of the place. You realise that they value the fact that you value and respect the things that make India unique as a country - the culture, history, customs, religions etc. For example in Delhi, the doorman at the hotel asked if we wanted a car to take us to Bangla Sahib Gurdwara, I replied in Hindi, “usi pedal Guru ka darshan kuru gay” (we will walk to visit the Guru). He was pleased and surprised that we would walk in the 40 degree plus heat to the Gurdwara. However, he stated “yes it is good to go on foot because it shows a mark of respect and humility to arrive at a holy place in such a manner”. We take it for granted that we should do this because this is what we have been taught, however they are particularly pleased and surprised that we recognise the value of such an act.


The fact that we’ve retained the ability to speak the language, act appropriately (most of the time ) and do not adopt an air of superiority (because we’ve come from the West) and yet have the ability to engage in banter, tease and generally develop good relationships does make a difference. You get a smile, a helping hand and get served before others! The lesson I guess is that people respect you, for respecting them, especially if you value and retain the things they feel give us a strong foundation for a flexible yet strong identity. I guess we’ve been adapting to our surroundings without realising it, yet others have realised it, pointed it out and respected us for having the ability and motivation to do so. India really is a cool place that everyone should visit at least once in their lifetime. (I do see the irony in that last statement especially with the weather we have at the moment being 40C plus!)